12 avril 2007

Histoire de l’Histoire ou comment 300 strip-teasers y sont restés aux Thermopyles ?

Bon ba, ça ne casse pas des briques… Le film 300 m’avait été présenté comme "super-ouf-guedin-d’la-mort-qui-tue-et-qui-déchire-même-sa-grand-mère" et j’en passe. Ba, de mon côté, désolé aucun superlatif de ce genre ne me vient à l’esprit. Ce film est doté d’un coté graphique certes qui relève de la prouesse technique, c’est beau; les scènes de combats sont bien faites, c’est beau; et après ??? Que dalle, rentrez chez vous mesdames et messieurs, y’a rien à voir, circulez !

L’histoire, c’est l’Histoire, la bataille des Thermopyles, ok, ils n’avaient pas beaucoup de marge avec le scénario. Mais bon, dans ce cas-là ne valait il pas mieux prendre une autre des histoires de la Grèce antique (et ce n’est pas ça qui manque !) pour faire un truc un peu plus palpitant ?

Les Spartiates, et là par contre ils auraient pu faire un sacré effort, ressemblent à des chippendales bodybuildés en slip de bain, oui, oui, celui que tu mettais en quatrième pour aller au cours de sport à la piscine municipale. Un peu ridicule pour des guerriers impitoyables et sans peur. J’comprends que les perses aient perdu si ils étaient vraiment comme ça, ils ont du crever de rire les pauvres.

Enfin, la cerise sur le gâteau niveau style, c’est Xercès, l’infâme empereur perse qui mesure 2 bons mètres tranquille, mais qui a vraiment un côté "frangin de Vincent Mc Doom (version épilé) prêt à sortir pour aller au Queen le dimanche soir". Il n’a pas du avoir chaud non plus sur le tournage, lui.

Le film est donc assez simpliste, chick, chack, chouck, j’te déchire un émissaire perse à Sparte pour montrer que ce n’est pas parce qu’on est en slip de bain, qu’on est des pédés. Sur ce, vexé, la grande tafiole de Xercès (qui lui doit l’être, pour le coup) se dit qu’il serait temps d’aller monter à Sparte pour aller en boite vient avec ses 1 million de cousins en ayant dans l’idée de faire un malheur avec son nouveau look. En chemin, pas d’pot, Leonidas (pas le chocolatier, l’empereur) l’attend au tournant, pour lui dire que "fé pas poffible" comme dirait Gad; ils sont trop de mecs, pas assez de nanas. Re-émissaire pour re-tentative de négociation, re-découpage (là c’est à ce moment qu’on se dit que la condition de l’émissaire est précaire à cette époque, ils en butent au moins cinq ou six dans tout le film). Du coup, la grande folle est véritablement irritée, et envoie des mecs pas thibulaires mais presque, pour faire leur teuf aux chippendales. Ils meurent tous, en héros et fiers comme si ils avaient des bars-tabacs, mais ça on savait déjà en allant voir le film.

En gros c’est ce qu’il se passe, hormis une rapide histoire d’adultère pour le bien de Sparte (mais oui, mais oui, c'est ça). Dernière chose qui peut être troublante : les arrière-plans qui ressemble à ceux d’un bon jeu vidéo, genre Final Fantasy XXIV mais on est au ciné et c’est space. On a limite envie d’avoir une manette dans les mains et de mener Spartiates à la victoire soi-même. Voilà pour ce péplum sauce 2007. C’est William Wyler qui doit se retourner dans sa tombe en criant « mais qu’est devenu le style des films d’antan » ?

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Merci pour ce commentaire très sympa... Ca fait un bail que je n'écris plus par manque de temps mais ce genre d'encouragement me pousse à m'y remettre. Faut vraiment que je prenne le temps un de ces quatre. Par contre, je flânne toujours autant sur la toile et ca sera un plaisir de te lire, quel est l'adresse exacte de ton blog ? Je n'ai malheureusement pas trouvé avec juste le mot étudiantesque... @ bientôt sur ton blog.

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Donc les chippendales c'est une vieille invention !

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Tombé ici par le plus grand des hasards (tappant "Sparte" dans google image, je tombe sur "Mc Doom et son cousin"), je dois dire que le hasard fait bien les choses!
J'ai bien ri!

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